What slowly but surely killed you inside

04.12.2014

An hour had passed and I was still sitting

Crouched in front of the garbage can, the newspaper report on the death of the young man lay at my feet.

I stared in disbelief, knees tight

Pulled my upper body and clutched it with all my might as if they could give me some kind of support, but they didn't.

With trembling hands I wiped away the tears, the

slowly but steadily gushed out of my eyes and let my gaze swim again and again, but new ones followed immediately. To calm myself down, I began to rock gently back and forth, breathing deeply in and out, but it was of no use.

That just couldn't be true! No: I was allowed to

just not be true! I wasn't a monster, was I ?!

You are not? After all, you have your whole house

devastated. -A small voice spoke up in my head and began to reproach me.

I couldn't help it, I answered in my mind.

Ate poor, defenseless chickens ...

Certainly not on purpose.

Killed Amilia ...

I haven't! I defended myself internally.

No?sneered the cheeky voice.Maybe she is still

not dead but you got itsmelled myself. It won't be long now ...

Liam will help her!

Liam has to give her his blood. And it keeps getting bigger

need of it ...

He will find an antidote!

Not if time takes care of the problem beforehand ...

Amilia is not a problem!

Don't be so hypocritical. Isn't it exactly what

you always wanted You foralways get rid of?

But not like that!

No? Then why did you kill her?

I didn't kill her!

Completely exasperated, I put my forehead on my knees

and pulled my hair with both hands.

Okay, if you feel better about it, why do you have it

ALMOST KILLED?

It was an accident!

Killing someone is not just an "accident", rebuked

the voice continues.

I couldn't help it! I protested again. Who would

to be able to suspect that my bite is so damaging to a werewolf? A small sob escaped my throat.

Well, at least you just almost killed the girl ...,

sneered the voice, as if to remind me of the young guy from the newspaper.

Desperate, I buried my face in my hands.

I was taken so far away!

Which was very useful ...

Stop it! Liam said I was way too far away

been to make it home.

The soles of your feet were sore ... And even as a

Werewolf ...

Stop it, I said! Another would have that too

Could have been a werewolf. Or really a wild animal.

Tz, tz, tz ... excuses, nothing but excuses, complained about

Continue to vote.

I covered my ears with both hands and squeezed

it so tight against my head that it hurt, but I finally wanted to banish the voice from my head.

You are exactly what Amilia said! A

uncontrollable killer! So fight backdo not oppose it, but allow it. You will feel better when you stop

to stand against the new you

I am not a killer! Besides, I would never have one

Kill people. I never wasted a single thought on that!

Have you ever thought of adding chickens before?

kill?the voice continued.

Of course not!

Who are you trying to fool? You're a

Killer.

No! That's not me!

You are a killer ...

Stop doing that!

Killer, killer, killer ...

Stop it now and shut up! I shouted.

I jumped up and threw my arms around wildly

me, then suddenly I hit something hard. Strong arms encircled me and held me tight while I kept thrashing around with all my might and trying to free myself.

“Emma… sh… calm down. It's just me. "

But I continued to resist.

“Emma! You're welcome! Stop it now!"

Liam had to be really energetic until my brain

registered his words and my body gave up its defensive stance. Completely frightened, I collapsed in his arms and began to sob pitifully.

“Sh ... it's good. Everything will be fine. Sh ... calm down. "

His monotonous chant made the situation none

I guess better, but the fact that he just stood there and held me comforted me.

After I calmed down a bit, Liam took hold

the word again: "What's going on anyway, Emma?"

I raised my head and looked into those dark eyes

stared back in horror. I thought about it for a moment, then replied: "Nothing."

Liam's eyebrows rose in disbelief.

"Nothing?!"

I hesitated for a moment. "There is nothing. I just ... bad

dreamed. "

Now his look became skeptical. “But after that it looked completely

and not at all. "

I shrugged indifferently, as if I knew

not what he was trying to get at, but he wouldn't let himself get rid of that quickly.

"Emma, ​​I heard you talk."

Suddenly the color drained from my face. What should i give him

say? The truth? But what was the truth anyway? That I started going crazy That I wasn't just a murderer now, but a crazy murderer too? What if he then didn't want anything to do with me?

“Come on, I'll take you to your room first. After that

we talk."

While I was still thinking hard about what I was

Should he say the same, he purposefully pushed me in front of him until we had reached the front door. Unable to react, Liam rang the doorbell for me.

"Good morning, Liam," my dad greeted us

surprised. “Don't you have to go to school? I thought Emma was long gone? "

Liam looked at me worriedly, then back to mine

Father. “Yes, Mr Forsyth. She was too. Emma collapsed on the way to school and that's when I brought her home. "

My dad eyed me, but I just stared blankly in front of me

down.

“What's the matter, Spabe? Why do you cry?"

When I didn't answer, Liam spoke again.

"I suppose she hurt herself when she fell earlier," he lied.

My father grinned. “Oh, honey, it's going to be that bad

I haven't been, ”he said thoughtfully, patting me on the shoulder.

When I didn't answer again, Liam took me upstairs

my room.

Once there, I sat down on mine without comment

Bed and tear after tear rolled down my cheeks.

Liam knelt in front of me and held my hands.

"Emma, ​​what's going on?"

Again no reaction.

"Please, finally say something!" He pleaded.

So I took heart. "I ... am ..." I began,

but my voice broke away. "I'm ..." I started again, but this time too I got stuck.

"You are?" Liam tried to help me. Suddenly

this terrible uncertainty spread inside me again. Should I really tell him that I was the young man's murderer? That I suddenly heard voices in my head and had spoken to myself earlier?

How much could a young love take? Would Liam stand by me? Or never exchange a word with me instead? That would at least be possible or even more likely, because: Who wanted one?

have a deranged killer as a friend?

Self-doubts overwhelmed me and I made one

Backed out.

“I'm just so terribly worried about Amilia. I

didn't mean to do anything to her… ”I avoided it and to my surprise that sounded far more believable than I thought myself. Probably because I am

actually worried about Amilia.

Pah! You wimp! You seem to have a lot of faith in yours

To have love when youLiam can't even tell the truth