What are blues take off
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When the children leave the house, a new chapter in life begins for parents too. Tips on how to enjoy the new freedom.
Status: 11.03.2021 | archive
Above all, the departure of the youngest or only child is a major turning point for parents, and many feel a sense of emptiness. "This is not a personal failure, but a situation that affects almost all parents," says Rainer Ewe.
First tip: speak openly about your feelings. With friends and other parents, but above all with your partner. However, if grief overshadows everyday life, parents should seek professional help.
Here you can find information about depression.
When the child moves out - activate friendships
When the children are out of the house, parents suddenly have more time for themselves. Parents of adult children should take advantage of the freedom they may have longed for when the children were small. Psychotherapist Rainer Ewe advises activating friendships and using the time gained for activities that are fun.
"At this point in time, parents are faced with the question of their own perspective on life with a new focus," says Rainer Ewe. With the entry into the new phase of life, there are new opportunities and possibilities. Sometimes it helps to remember what excited you before the children were born and what you might not have time for later.
When the daughter moves out - use the nursery again
Moving out often frees up space in the house: "If you use the children's room for a hobby and redesign it, it is a clear sign of a new phase in life," says Ewe.
But in this case, too, openness is important: "Anyone planning such a renovation should speak to the child beforehand to avoid misunderstandings," says Ewe. Therefore: Tell your child about the redesign of their child's room and explain it. Then it doesn't feel reset.
The children are gone - live your relationship as a couple
"There are two situations in which a partnership is particularly prone to crises: after the birth of the first child and after the youngest child has moved out."
Psychotherapist Rainer Ewe
In everyday life, the relationship often takes a back seat: "If the couple ceases to function as parents, there is sometimes not much left of the couple relationship," says Ewe. In this case, the therapist advises couples to openly admit that the situation is critical and that you can and maybe must redefine yourself as a couple.
Ideally, couples make time for their relationship while the children are still living at home. Ewe advises reserving a day or evening for the relationship. Then the partners experience each other not only in their role as parents, but also deliberately as a couple.
Before the child moves out - do not overestimate conflicts
"For some young adults it is agonizing to be in the child position," says psychotherapist Ewe. It is part of this that conflicts arise in this situation before moving out. The conflict is often resolved with the housing situation, the parent-child relationship changes and sometimes becomes less stressful. "You should therefore see the noise as something that belongs to it," advises Ewe.
The child moves out - tips for parents
- Prepare yourself mentally to say goodbye to your child some time before you move out, then it may be easier to let go.
- Talk openly about your feelings after the child has moved out - with other parents and your partner.
- If you feel sad or lonely, seek professional help.
- Activate old friendships.
- A new sport, the theater subscription, the language course - use the newly gained time.
- Make use of the space you have gained in the house or apartment - turn the children's room into a room of your own (with a sofa bed). Warn your child beforehand.
- Make new plans with your partner.
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