Are you cheating on your wife
My wife is cheating on me This is how you save the relationship
Hardly anything can ruin a happy relationship dynamic more than the suspicion “my wife is cheating on me”. Especially when the suspicion is confirmed, many men are overwhelmed with it and do not know what to do. Out of ignorance, they often fearfully choose to step back instead of courageously daring to step forward.
This article is about the topic »My wife is cheating on me«. How you can handle it like this can even enrich you and your life and possibly usher in a new level of your partnership.
Table of contents of the article
1. The bleeding wound of ignorance
Before getting any solid advice on how to deal with it, the first thing to do is to gain clarity. Many men BELIEVEthat they will be betrayed knowledge in fact it is not.Jealousy, doubt and loss of trust creep more and more into the relationship. Such a condition can be even more destructive than the deception itself.
Such a one-sided suspicion is like a cancerous growth threatening to eat you up from the inside. You begin to treat the people you love with disgust and distrust.
You start to question everything critically, to stalk, to secretly read WhatsApp, SMS, e-mails and Facebook messages. The mind is delusional to have the suspicion confirmed. Especially if no clear evidence is found, the search for it often becomes all the more desperate.
This condition is pure poison - it must be changed as quickly as possible.
2. Speak it out - enter the dialogue
It is important to maintain calm and inner clarity. Sit down and write down why you specifically think your partner is cheating on you. Write down the things that lead you to suspect. Make a list of it and read it through. You may already see at this point whether the suspicion is actually justified or not.
This conscious confrontation changes your powerless feeling of jealousy. Believe me, you will gain more control and clarity over it. In addition, when you are dealing with your wife, it helps that you can remain in a more controlled, relaxed and constructive dialogue.
After the suspicion list, check for yourself what you would like to have from your partner so that the feeling of cheating can heal. What is your need or wish for your partner. Write that down too! These written words in front of your hands give you the right awareness to be able to enter into a constructive dialogue with your wife.
3. My wife is actually cheating on me
As mentioned at the beginning, I'm not a fan of snooping afterwards or other stuff because it aggravates the problem rather than solving it. I am a Freud of open debate. When confronting her, make sure not to corner her emotionally or threaten her, but to create a space in which open and honest exchange is possible.
That means don't yell at them, just yell at them speak to each other in a reasonable tone.If your emotions are too strong, I advise you to let off some steam beforehand. For example, go for a game of sports or yell like a berserk in the car. Nobody hears you there anyway. You can roar thoughtlessly and let everything out.
4. Speak honestly and reasonably to one another
If instead you entered into a dialogue with her foaming with anger, your wife would be intimidated and more likely to lie than tell the truth. This is also quite normal because she wants to protect herself out of fear.
If, by the way, the emotions boil too much during the conversation because you realize that my wife is actually cheating on me, it is completely okay to ask for a break. As soon as the emotions have calmed down again, discussions can continue in a reasonable and solution-oriented manner.
»Kathrin, I want to talk to you. I feel like you are cheating on me. That and that (list) made me suspect. I sense a growing aversion to you that threatens to affect my relationship with you.
My need is…. (Here are the things that you want or that meet your needs). How do you perceive that?
If the suspicion is out of thin air, then I ask you to react understandingly and lovingly, as well as to acknowledge my needs.
If the suspicion is correct, however, I ask you to face me with the same honesty as I am standing in front of you.
Nothing is really more important to me than to bring some clarity into our relationship - no matter what it looks like.«
With this pronunciation you mentioned your fears and your needs. There is nothing more you can do, now it depends on how she reacts. Incidentally, women usually also sense that something is wrong with the relationship. In most cases you will long for such a clarifying conversation so that clarity can come back into your relationship dynamics.
5. Faith and confidence in their words
In the next step it is important that you believe her words or acknowledge them as true and trust her. If you are no longer able to do this, then only going to the couples therapist or breaking up will help. You would no longer be able to enter into dialogue and you could not trust your partner unconditionally - so no relationship based on love makes sense.
She could assure you that she has never betrayed you and loves you wholeheartedly, but you wouldn't believe her. With that you would ask something of her that she cannot give you - and no functioning relationship is built on that.
What is interesting is that most thoughts about jealousy have their roots in previous episodes in your life. To make you understand what I mean by that, I have summarized this fact in this short video - watch it and see if you even rediscover yourself.
6. The betrayal is outright - clear your relationship
You may be past the point and know that your wife is cheating on you. You caught her or she confessed to you. The facts are there and next is the question how it goes on.Many men try to learn as little as possible about cheating at this point. Or they throw blame on the partner.
Both ways are not effective, but strengthen the distance between you.
One way suppresses the topic - the other focuses on personal hurt and damage to the ego. Personal growth as well as possible relationship growth, however, lies in the consideration of the problem. Therefore, you prefer to focus on answering the following points:
First of all, ask yourself if you can still imagine a relationship with a partner who cheated on you? If that's not possible for you under any circumstances, another relationship doesn't make sense either.
However, if you are willing to look over it and focus on a mutual relationship, it is important to learn more about the causes. The following questions should be helpful to you:
- Has she cheated once or several times?
- What was the goal of cheating?
- What needs should be satisfied in it?
- Why didn't she talk to you about it beforehand?
- And what has changed for you as a result?
- And how does she envision a mutual future relationship?
- Or does she imagine a mutual relationship?
These questions do indeed give a new perspective. Instead of asking questions that only offend the man's ego and reduce the value of the woman, the focus will be placed on the subjects.I'll tell you right away why this is so important and promotes relationships.
7. Man's honor
Before that, however, I would like to add another aspect. I know that many men see cheating as an instant break in their relationship. Personally, I think this is foolish for the following reason:There is a lot of work, dedication, compromise, love and shared experiences in a solid partnership.
Sex is a common aspect of this. And yes, sex is something very intimate and familiar. But at the same time it is only one aspect of a functioning partnership. Many long-term partnerships even go a step further and emancipate themselves from the idea of monogamous sexuality.
You open up and experience completely new qualities of an intimate partnership with refreshing sexual impulses. Of course, cheating on the woman can also cause the trust and the ego to undergo a kink.
But if sex after x years of the relationship is still such a unique and consequential aspect of the partnership that a misstep leads to separation, then I tell you, the relationship was not on a good foundation. After several years of community life, many other pillars should support the foundation of your relationship.
Pillars that actually take years to gain strength and scope. Intimacy, honesty, belonging, achieved projects, fulfilled goals, shared experiences, getting through difficult times and deeply connected love, could be this pillar. Sex, on the other hand, is a pillar that can be lived out with another person within minutes.
All it takes is a little alcohol, a stressful time, a little distance from the loved one and it's done. What man has not thought about a misstep while being intoxicated by alcohol or other drugs? Fortunately, temptation isn't there every time, but if it were there cheating would be the most normal thing in the world - and maybe it is.
This ultimately also reflects the adventure that has often been lost in long-term partnerships. And that is exactly what the focus should be on: On the adventure or the motivation of the misstep - not on the misstep itself! Find out in our free e-mail training how you can keep the passion and spirit of adventure in your relationship glowing in the long term!
8. My wife is cheating on me and this is how we deal with it
However, all of this doesn't mean you can't be angry and hurt. That's just human and perfectly ok. I just want to point out to you not to throw the gun in the grain straight away, but to look ahead constructively. Because at the moment when it is spoken and you have recognized »My wife is cheating on me«Your relationship dies ... And she will be born again.
Of course, your conversation can also lead to a relationship. This is also perfectly fine and better than trying for months with jealousy and other feelings to keep a sinking boat afloat.
There are two people in a relationship. When a person chooses to go their separate ways, a relationship is no longer possible. In that case, you should let her / him go. After all, hikers shouldn't be stopped.
If such an end is looming, it is better to draw a line quickly and look openly into the future. If you want, you can arrange a mutual break beforehand and sit down again in a few weeks.
But most of these solutions are a clear sign that the partnership is over. In such a case, you might be interested in this article. It is about how to best deal with a relationship and how to take the experience of the relationship with you as a useful resource in your future life.
If you are interested in what you can do after the relationship is over to get yourself up as quickly as possible, then watch this video from Sven:
9. The partnership reaches a deeper level
However, if you can look past their misstep, you have authentically expressed your true feelings (yes, you can be angry, sad, etc.!) And you decide to keep your relationship upright, then things really start now .
Because this event gives you the opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level. Often this leads to a whole new feeling of affection and love for one another.
You wouldn't be the first couple to experience a much more intense relationship dynamic due to a misstep by their partner (my wife is cheating on me). Jealousy and suspicion are often closer to love and ecstasy than most would think.
Recognize for both of you which potential freedom and development opportunities suddenly open up. You can talk about your true desires, dreams and fantasies on a much deeper level. Perhaps you will recognize a common intersection of sexual desires, which you can now bring to life together piece by piece.
You may also recognize what really matters to you in your partnership and which aspects you have neglected before. Perhaps this very event is the beginning of many ecstatic adventures that you have always longed for but never had the courage to speak out about. Esther Perel summarized this connection in a very successful TED talk.
10. More individuality and intimacy
Such an event inevitably leads to an even more honest encounter. Perhaps more honest than you've ever been to other people. You get to know each other all over again and much more intimately than was ever possible before. Your individuality within your relationship takes on a whole new quality.
People find themselves attractive because of them Matches. We love someone because of his / her mistakes. Mistakes make us lovable because they show that we are vulnerable and imperfect.
They show that we are made of flesh, blood and feelings. Such crises are what reveal the true value of love. The more we share our imperfect places with our partner, the higher the degree of intimacy and love.
11. The rebirth of the relationship
»My wife is cheating on me«Can be a traumatic rift in a partnership. The suppression of this topic does not bring anything, but only the open discussion of it leads to growth. Find out the resources that you can draw from it and define new goals for you in your partnership. It is only really starting now.
An important step that I would like to mention is the ability to forgive and let go. If the partner cannot forgive the misstep and he is still between you like a virus, all further steps are often of no use.
In his mind, the partner continues to nibble on missteps and the loss of trust. Overcoming the topic like this often takes time, good buddies and good experience. The power of good buddies in particular is often underestimated and is so important!
12. My wife is cheating on me - then go see your pals
You get advice from your buddies, share your worries and experiences and strengthen yourself in being your man. The reinforcement of being a man is very important at this moment. Sexual cheating on women feels like they have for many men their manhood lost.
As if their tail had been stolen from them by another man or as if they were not potent enough. Many believe that women build man's potency, but that's not true.
You get masculinity, being a man and irresistible attraction especially from men. There you recharge your masculine batteries, with which you enter the relationship stronger.
The same principle applies to women among women. However, many men let their friendly contacts slip as soon as they have a girlfriend. This works fine for a while, but often important qualities of the man fall by the wayside after a while.
Women then complain that he's no longer like a man, but more like a little boy. It is not uncommon for you to cheat on your husband because there is nothing left of the original masculinity. They have lost their wild manhood. The indomitable and at the same time steady.
If that was the reason, I strongly advise you to spend more time with your buddies. It sounds paradoxical, but it is precisely this time that makes you attractive to women. You get what you can't get from women from your buddies. Fraternity, male self-confidence, energy, drive and polar passion!
They are also the ones who, among other things, help you through relationship crises and make you feel like a potent man again. A man that your wife is attracted to and with whom she wants to spend time in love!
My name is Martin and I am a male coach. When Sven & I founded Strengthening Masculinity in 2013, we had no idea what kind of revolution we would trigger in the German-speaking world of men.
Today millions of men visit this blog, watch our videos on Youtube or eagerly read our free e-mail training. Hundreds of these men set out every year to rekindle the power of their masculinity in our men’s workshop, Authentic Manhood.
I would be happy to meet you there in person soon.
With male greetings
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