What did you learn from fear
How to Overcome Existential Fears: 5 Things I Learned While Closing the Loft.
It's 4 in the morning and I'm enjoying the last few hours in the loft, drinking tea, before the big hustle and bustle of moving starts and the rooms fill up again for the last time with lots of friends and family members.
Because we're all somehow involved in the resolution of the loft, I want to share 5 things with you that will inspire you.
You don't even have to move for that.
1. You determine what is bad for you. And what's not bad for you.
Viewed from the outside, the interplay of the circumstances is which led to the loft dissolution, just big crap.
As Ben likes to say: Bad shit went crazy.
In addition, I am not responsible for any of them, and so the temptation is to shower others with accusations and blame, to think everything through with regret and to wallow in self-pity.
So you sink deeper and deeper into the swamp and in the end it doesn't really matter who was to blame because you feel bad one way or another.
Whining about a bad circumstance is really no art.
You turn the whole thing upside down and decide it's not bad at all.
BECAUSE WHO CAN STAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AT ALL ?!
Who decides what's bad for you?
The fact? Your account? Other people with their wrongdoing?
In this case you would be at the mercy of the whole thing and you can only hope that everyone involved will play along - a very high level of uncertainty, in my opinion.
Someone commented, “Oh God! That could have happened to any of us, it can all be over so quickly! ”.
I can only say: “Oh God! That could have happened to any of us, and how great it can be to start an adventure, and how many possibilities and opportunities and ideas and surprises are waiting for you - everything can be new so quickly! "
New in the sense of exciting.
New in the sense of fresh.
New in the sense of different.
New in the sense of unknown.
New in the sense of everything from the beginning.
2. Existential fear is just a fear.
Somebody asked in the course of the loft story how I overcame existential fear.
I think that's a really good question.
If you look very closely behind the existential fear, then there is the following threat:
"IF YOU DO THIS, THEN YOU DIE."
The devil formulates this much more subtly and always tailored to your situation (otherwise it would be very flat and visible to everyone):
"If you quit this job, then ..."
"If you give up the loft, then ..."
"If you take this step, then ..."
"If you break contact, then ..."
"If you break up with this man, then ..."
"If you can no longer put up with this, then ..."
"If you have this child, then ..."
"If you have to pay this bill, then ..."
"If you give up this security, then ..."
"If you make this decision, then ..."
"... then everything goes down the drain, you become penniless and never really happy, end up in the gutter, stay forever poor, lonely, ugly and sick, AND DIE."
The consequence is again the same for everyone.
In the end, it's always about survival.
Existential fear is the most effective method to keep people engaged, to let them make no or wrong decisions, and to categorically show them the limit:
"Until here and not further. ELSE YOU WILL DIE. "
This is the opening of the pistol that the devil is aiming with exactly at you, and the message is clear:
If you jump off the cliff now, I'll pull the trigger. AND YOU DIE.
You turn the mouth of the pistol in your hand and do exactly the opposite.
EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE, this worst, which, where the greatest fear shows up as a warning signal, cuts off your breath, brings tears to your eyes, despair and panic take hold.
Then you jump.
I'll tell you something very important now:
You don't die.
I repeat: you. Die. Not.
You will not end up in the gutter, nor will you die poor, unhappy, sick and lonely, none of that will happen.
Behind that is the cool stuff.
Exactly behind this threat is happiness.
Behind that threat is freedom.
I can't jump off this cliff or I'll die?
And as I can.
Look at me now.
3. There is a secret in letting go.
You can netflix so much Marie Kondo, sort out old diaries, and restructure everything as you want, and still not grasp the depth of it:
Letting go is a real secret.
This applies to things as well as to people:
No one who holds on to anything will be happy forever.
The one who binds and the one who is bound neither can develop.
And how bad it is when people stop developing!
How much untapped potential, what waste of great opportunities, what an incredible personality mutilation.
And all because you have voluntarily attached yourself to something: a person, a house, a piece of furniture, a standard of living, a situation.
Like on a stake, around the radius of which you now have to circle, whether you want to or not.
I could now write “Let go.”, But that always sounds so weak and whispering to me, so resigned to fate, so wistful.
Your personality is far, far too precious to be bartered for a house, a relationship, a lifestyle, or a supposed security.
No matter how high your price may be, it is TOO high.
The following applies to letting go of objects:
Everything you have is occupied with a certain energy, with an emotion, a memory, a thought (and if the thought is only: "Where to put it?").
If you now dispose of these things, you automatically separate yourself from these energies in one fell swoop: it is much, much nicer than you initially think. Pure joy, great happiness, almost an intoxication.
Clutter-free household is just a goodie that you get on top of that.
If I had to leave the loft just to part with 90% of my possessions, it was worth it.
The new level of freedom, joie de vivre and happiness is indescribably beautiful.
4. Working together is just as good as partying together. And sometimes even more beautiful.
Closing the loft was much more than an ordinary move.
As Hannah aptly put it: "It's like when you have to empty an apartment building with many apartments in a short period of time."
500 perfectly furnished square meters, plus 6 garages full to the brim and 250 square meters filled basement - you can hardly imagine the amount of work that was involved in clearing the space.
I was completely overwhelmed.
Neither can you imagine the wave of support in my circle of friends.
“Getting shit done” became as concrete as possible, and I experienced one surprise after the other - surprise because I actually did not expect it, and I could never have wished to this extent:
People who take on responsibility, make their time available to me of their own accord (and we're not talking about an afternoon or a week!), Organize, actively lend a hand, support me throughout the process, motivate, push, love, and sometimes even force, although I can hardly stand because of tiredness ("Let's go, Joanna. We'll still create one room!").
Not once did anyone express sadness, regret or pity - on the contrary, I kept getting “This is all going to be great, Joanna.” - Hearing sentences if I dare to have expressed a doubt about this;).
My family and friends not only carried the furniture, they carried me through the whole process, and they did so without being asked and with such a degree of enthusiasm that it was hard to avoid it.
We always just had fun.
And achieved an infinite amount.
For 3 years we regularly sat by candlelight at the long table in the loft and ate the most delicious dinners.
In the last few weeks we were also sitting at the table (also by candlelight, because the lamps were already removed) and ate take away food.
I can assure you that both were exactly equally happy.
No difference at all.
I didn't know this dynamic to such an extent, and it really overwhelmed me.
This text I wrote in November, not realizing the extent to which I will soon experience this.
I love team more than ever.
Team is unbeatable.
5. Life is an adventure and you can enjoy every (!) Second of it.
Everyone can enjoy when everything is going well (except for those who still have something to complain about or invent problems, but of course that is the lowest possible level).
However, if everything looks the exact opposite, and the circumstance screams really loud in your face, then this is the moment when I start to really enjoy it.
Now we're talking.
This is my personal kick, my boost, my "Now I'm coming alive." - Wait - when everything is really hopeless and shitty and everything goes down the drain and we'll all be in the gutter, etc., and it for my feelings and Thoughts become really challenging: That's exactly what I'm into.
Because then I can finally believe the impossible.
Because love is the X factor that turns everything around to my advantage in the end.
Life is not unpredictable.
Life is not a struggle.
Life is a huge, very exciting, and wonderful adventure.
I know it doesn't always feel and look that way, but it doesn't matter.
We turn this.
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