Is Quora the Facebook for an introvert

Feeling lonely introverts: misunderstandings and facts

Introverts are “people in themselves” who, according to generally accepted standards, are closed, uncommunicative and every company prefers solitude.

Today we're going to find out if that is the case and share with you the opinions and stories of men and women - the users of Quora. They are all introverts, and each of them has something to say.

I am an introvert. And that doesn't mean I hate people

No, that doesn't mean I hate people. I just don't like being around her.

I am not one of those introverts who is nervous around people, especially when they are strangers. Even if I suddenly get a little nervous, I can still communicate freely enough. If a person is introverted, it doesn't mean they are shy.

  • Personally, I hate so-called worldly conversations, which are indeed silly chatter and a waste of time.
  • Often times I have to explain to people that if I'm silent, it doesn't mean I'm bored, hurt, or angry. Maybe I'm just fighting with my inner dragon.
  • Contrary to popular belief, not all introverts are calm and quiet. I can talk for hours about what interests me.
  • But I still like silence, yeah

I can still say a lot on this subject, but I think this is not just for introverts. Who knows, maybe I'm just a narcissist and I think my thoughts are way more interesting than what others are saying.

And now to the main question: Do I feel lonely?

Yes. And surprisingly, I feel lonely when people surround me.

When I'm alone I rarely get bored, I can always find a job. Yes, of course, sometimes, like all people, I am sad. But not because I am alone can a tearful song drive me into such a state, and thoughts about my mistakes, even the situation in my country. But in such cases I don't feel lonely.

But when there are a lot of people around me and I don't feel connected to them, then I feel lonely.

For example, I can sit next to my best friend and not talk to him for several hours, nor will we both feel alone.

But I can be at a party that has 10, 20, or even 40 people. I can talk to them, listen to them and laugh with them, but after a while I understand that this is all just a superficial game.

Then I want to howl with loneliness.

I'm tired of apologizing because I like to be alone

You ask what is it? So I often feel guilty. I have to apologize to others for not wanting to spend time with them. I'm tired of convincing others that introversion isn't bad - that's normal. I am introverted and I feel good. I'm tired of apologizing for just being alone.

I've thought about it a lot, especially over the past year and a half. Introverts get too bad a reputation for reasons I don't fully understand. I would like to dispel some misunderstandings. Of course, only my thoughts that you two may and may not agree with will go on.

Misunderstanding 1. Introversion is just a nice word that people use to hide their lack of social skills

This is one of the most common misconceptions about introverts. People think of us as social outcasts. When we were children we were taught to be friends with other children and to play in the sandpit with them. When we didn't want that, everyone, even our parents, began to doubt our normalcy.

In fact, most introverts are sociable enough, they know how to behave well in society, and yes, they have friends too. You just don't want to waste time on pointless conversations and you don't want to spend Friday evening in a bar sipping whiskey and cola in a company of completely unknown people.

Misunderstanding 2. Introverts - keep quiet and don't like to talk

Wrong again. I like to talk. I read and reflect a lot. I am interested in sharing my thoughts with others and getting their opinions.

But I don't like talking to a lot of strangers. I don't like to talk, scream loud music in a bar and see that my words are an empty tone to others. I don't like to speak to talk, I don't look for words just to say something.

But I like to talk about what is important to me. I like to discuss with people what really appeals to them. And when we find common topics to talk about, I'm usually ready to talk for hours.

Misunderstanding 3. Introverts always prefer to spend time alone rather than with anyone

This is not always the case either. One of my best memories is traveling with friends and working on the project in a team.

As I said above, I can easily find a common language with other people. But as an introvert, everything in me needs a balance: the hours you spend with others have to be balanced out by the hours I spend in silence and alone. For me this is kind of a fresh start so I rest and go with my thoughts.

Misunderstanding 4. Introverts are not leaders

We are used to seeing exclusively charismatic leaders and believe that it is necessary to be extroverted in order to lead people.

But let's think hard. Albert Einstein was an introvert. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are also introverts. And many other outstanding people were and will be introverts.

People become leaders not only because of their personal qualities, but also because of their knowledge and skills. Introverts tend to spend a lot of time on their favorite business, which is why they make the biggest discoveries and start the biggest businesses.

Misunderstanding 5. Introverts are few

According to various studies, more than half of the people in the world consider themselves introverts.

As I mentioned earlier, there is such a cliché in our society: being an introvert means not being like everyone else, a black sheep, almost an outcast. Because of this, many people never openly admit that they are introverted.

Instead of closing

Being an introvert is not bad, not ashamed, and not abnormal. And for those who still doubt it, I suggest watching this video.

People are different: someone needs constant communication and someone more likes loneliness. It's just a fact that needs to be accepted.

Introverts don't like empty conversations: I can't pretend to be interested in a topic that I don't care about

When people find out that you are an introvert, for whatever reason they start to view you as arrogant, rude, and discreet. You are less likely to be invited to parties and similar gatherings. When you get married, your acquaintances joke about the subject of "how this reticent guy generally decided to meet her".

But here's what I want to tell you as an introvert:

  • Introverts usually enjoy talking about topics they like. I enjoy talking to others about movies and sports, but I'm not interested in fashion, for example. I can't pretend I'm interested in a subject that I don't care about.
  • Introverts are not idiots or recluses. We just need our personal space. We need time that we can only spend on ourselves, it is important for us to be alone with our thoughts. And we hate it when someone tries to rob us of it. Respect introverts' personal space, their right to be themselves, and believe me, they will become the most reliable comrades for you.
  • Yes, it is possible that many introverts may not be the best storytellers, but they are wonderful listeners. My friends know I won't be a good companion at a party, but they always remind themselves that I'm ready to listen to them when they need to.

Do introverts feel lonely?

Yes, I felt lonely a hundred times: when I wasn't invited to parties, when I had to go to the movies alone, when all my friends had girls, but I didn't. I felt lonely when I moved to a new city that I didn't know and knew and I didn't even have anyone to talk to.

But I've learned to live with my loneliness. I saw life differently. I wasn't exposed to the herd instinct: I watched these movies and read the books that I really wanted to see and read, and not because they are fashionable and talk around them. I thought a lot and, by the way, started to write.

Introverts are common people. All they need is a personal space and they only talk about topics that interest them. And there is nothing wrong with loving solitude.

I am not thirsty for communication

The best ideas come to me when I'm alone. I work more productively on every project.

I rarely start a conversation first. But when someone starts talking to me, I always support the conversation. Remember, introverts are not aliens and they do not run away once they hear the sound of your voice.

I do not long for communication. I like working on large projects but doing the job on my own at the same time. If I still have to be with a large group of people, I try to protect myself from communication the next day and stay alone. This “people's day” is necessary for me, even when I go to the cinema with friends. I am alone and I am neither bored nor lonely.

Once at university, I talked to my classmate about clubs. I said that I find it boring and tiresome, to which he replied, "Well, it's still better than staring at the ceiling all evening." I remember how amazed his answer was. I thought are these people so unimaginative? There are so many things in the world that you can learn what you can learn! And they spend time in clubs instead, and not because they're all die-hard partiers, but because it's so accepted, it's considered steep. Oh yeah, it's still forever, "everyone does this."

There are no superfluous and random people in my life

Lots of people love to talk about the cons of introversion, but I want to talk about the pros.

  • I don't get bored when I'm alone.
  • I don't like short, formal conversations. When I talk to a person, it is a fruitful dialogue.
  • I have my own opinion. And I never worry because it doesn't agree with the majority opinion.
  • There are no superfluous and random people in my life. If I have friends, they are real friends.

Introverts suffocate in the company of people where everyone thinks alike

I'm an introvert and I really like being alone when I have a business that I can totally dedicate myself to. But I am unlikely to have been able to endure communication for more than three days. I think we all need to talk to someone, even introverts.

Most introverts have their own views on life, they have their own opinion that they are ready to defend. They like the typical views that prevail in most mini-communities.

Imagine: you are talking to someone who smells good and smells like perfume. Of course you like to talk to someone like that. Suppose you are in a company where several people use the same perfume. This can annoy you, but in general it is tolerable.

Imagine you are in a room where 50 people are using the same perfume. Of course, the aroma will be suffocating, and all you want to do is run into the fresh air right away.

Sometimes introverts also suffocate in a society of people where everyone thinks alike. They prefer to communicate with personalities rather than the crowd.

I also believe that introverts focus on quality rather than quantity. Sometimes when I'm in a room full of people having empty conversations about the weather or gossip, I feel like I'm in an empty room - I'm just as lonely.

I can make a good company myself

I'm an introvert, but I'm sure if I tell one of my friends they'll hardly believe me. I have friends with whom I often communicate and choose somewhere. But I also consider myself an introvert.

I like doing things alone. I never look for another person's approval, and I feel very sad when I realize that most of the people around me are behaving like children, waiting for an adult who will come and tell them what is good and what is bad, what is allowed and what is not.

Do i feel lonely Yes, sometimes. But not as much as my friends are extroverted: their drives in a real panic of the idea that they are going somewhere alone while I can absolutely safely go to the cinema or theater and also go on a trip alone.

I like visiting other people's companies, but I always remember that I can make good company myself.

Introversion is an enemy and friend

My introversion is my worst enemy when I'm surrounded by people and my best friend when I'm alone.

My father often changed jobs and we had to move to different cities. I switched many schools and in each of them I immediately became a "strange, antisocial girl".

I never really had a relationship with anyone, plus everything the only child I had in the family and my parents were too busy with their careers and they weren't up to me.

I often had internal dialogues. From the side I was like a calm and lost puppy, but who would have known what kind of non-stop debate was on my mind! I thought a lot, noticed a lot, was an inquisitive and attentive child.

I spent free time reading books, solving puzzles or dreams. As I mentioned earlier, it has been difficult for me to get together with my colleagues, however, as it is difficult and still is.

But I have no regrets - I accept myself for who I am and I can call myself a happy person.

Communication with others is a test for me

I am an introvert and I can call myself a shy person too.

Speak for me as an exam

I always worry. I've scrolled my head a thousand times as to what I'm going to say. I always think that I said the wrong thing. Sometimes I feel like I have a role to play.

It often exhausts me, and after these conversations all I want is to go home and be alone.

I hate parties

Especially when there are a lot of people I don't know. I have no idea where to start a conversation with a stranger. And even if I decide to start, I can hardly support it.

It is difficult for me to ask for anything

It has always been difficult for me to ask for help, so I prefer to take care of everything by myself. Yes, there is help - sometimes I even hesitate to call friends and call them out for a walk.

I like to be alone

I often go to the movies alone. I like to sit alone in a café and read a book. I like to walk in the park when the weather is good and just people watch.

And what do you think about it

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